Free My Gypsy Soul

I feel very stagnate and caught in a boring cycle. I’ve pretty much not moved forward for 9+ years. My mother would call this event a miracle as I’ve embraced LIFE and have become a responsible human being who takes care of herself and her family.  I, on the other hand, am having a very difficult time with my gypsy soul that wants to experience less city and routine and more living and connecting and feeling. I feel very trapped and weighed down by the endless “have-to”‘s.  I understand we ALL have to work, and deal with stresses, and care for children we’ve created, and all the responsibilities that come with civilized humanity, but…  I have not moved, I have not dated or had any relationships other than with my children, and I have not served humanity or myself in any capacity. This must change.  

How does one keep from panicking that their last moments on earth were spent doing the mundane in the hopes that one day…. some day..  you’d finally reach the paradise at the end of the toil?  I’ve had so many people that I know pass away recently. A man to a brain tumor, a beautiful woman to cancer, another incredible lady to intestinal blockage… all so young.  Just the other day I read a Facebook post regarding a 12 year old boy died.  TWELVE!  He didn’t even get to START this life before he was taken from the world.  No dates, weddings, sex, children, growing old, contributing… just… gone.  Forever.  

I may need medication for depression at this stage in my life, but I do truly wish to find methods and practical ways to lessen the feeling that every day I’m blessed with is filled with panic, depression, fear, and routine.  Someone mentioned the term psychosomatic and felt I needed to find creative outlets, meditations, art, reading/writing, or anything to distract my mind from the anxiety that breeds there.  What else could you add to help a woman escape madness, embrace life, and make a small difference in the universe for the blink of time I’m given here.  Comments are welcome.

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