Peering Through the Fog Into Life

I sit and wonder if I’m the only one who ever feels disconnected from life. I am a conformist. I love the norms of society. Pure and naive little girl grows up loved and surrounded by support, graduates high school, gets into a good college, meets the man of her dreams, marries, has 2.5 children, grows old with the love of her life and enjoys teaching her grandchildren about life before moving on into Heaven.  I didn’t get past the first stage of this fairy tale.  I didn’t get to grow up pure and naive. 😦

That one fact set into motion an entire lifetime of misfortune, mistakes, and bad decisions that led me to where I am today. Alive, doing the best I can, breathing in and out, just surviving and making sense of where I’ve been, what I’ve gone through, and trying to figure out how to end this whole thing on a good and right note.

But, there are many, many hours where I sit and “watch” social media posts and people around me doing life and I feel like I’m an outsider. I feel as if I’m looking through a fog or glass.. peering into a fishbowl of activity.. activity that I’m not allowed to be connected or involved in.  I feel distant.  I have truly, sincerely supportive friends that absolutely love me and welcome me to be a part of all they do.  But… no matter how desperately they try to make me feel a part of things and welcome, I always feel like I’m the odd one out.  That I’m somehow not the same, or lesser than, or different from everyone around me.

Can you relate at all? What’s your story?


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